I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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