I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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