I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
