i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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