Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
