her facebook's as public as her vagina
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
