R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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