it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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