you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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