I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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