My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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