For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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