I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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