Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
