Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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