Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
