yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
