Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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