sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
