just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
