I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
