we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we're so committed to being not committed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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