Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
