peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
