if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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