Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
