how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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