I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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