The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And then my night got REAL pukey
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
