Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You may now shotgun with the bride
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
