my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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