if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
