My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The Olympian is in my bed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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