my phone needs a breathalizer
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
