i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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