her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
