Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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