Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My room smells like vodka and shame
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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