I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
