She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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