They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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