Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
