As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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