yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
