i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?