it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
