look no pants
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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