he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
