glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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