I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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