We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
