I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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