My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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