i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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