I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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