two words: eviction party
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
