Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
