I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
