I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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