we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
