we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
