I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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