my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
