i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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