i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
