They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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