i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
