I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
