its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
