I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
