If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize