when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize